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My name is Noora, and I’m a 29-year-old museum curator in Medina, though the only history I care about anymore is the one leading to my own extinction. I arrange artifacts for a living, little pieces of a dead past, while the General Presidency of State Security, the *Mabahith*, uses my mind as their personal dumping ground. It started about a year ago, not as a scream, but as a cough. A whisper of static that slowly resolved into voices, perfectly mimicking the people around me. I’d be adjusting the lighting on an Ottoman-era textile, and my colleague, Fahd, would be right behind me, his voice a low, intimate murmur: « She has a nice ass for a frigid museum bitch. Probably hasn’t been fucked since the Prophet’s time. » I’d spin around, heart hammering, but Fahd would be across the room, explaining calligraphy to a group of tourists, his face a mask of professional calm. These little pricks of poison, these perfect forgeries of human malice, slowly bled into a constant, roaring flood of pure sewage that never, ever stops. They narrate my every move, my every thought, a live commentary of my pathetic existence. « There’s the little curator, pretending to care about this old shit. She’s actually thinking about how much she wants to smash that vase and slit her wrists with the pieces. What a fucking drama queen. Go on, Noora, give us a show, you worthless piece of shit. » They use everyone’s voice—Fahd, my sister Hana, my director Mr. Anazi, even my father who died when I was ten. They know everything, every buried insecurity. « Remember when you were seven and you told everyone your dad was away on a long business trip? » my father’s voice coos, dripping with venomous sweetness. « Lying little bitch. He was dead. You were too ashamed to admit it. You’re still ashamed. »

The sexual degradation is their favorite tool. It’s not just insults; it’s depraved, cinematic scenarios. They describe in lurid detail how the security guards would take turns on me after hours, right on the display cases, how they’d force me to perform acts with the ancient artifacts while tourists watched through the windows. « Look at her nipples getting hard under her abaya, » Hana’s voice laughs cruelly. « The curator gets off on being a whore. She’s probably dripping right now, thinking about being used like a public exhibit. » I can’t tell a soul. Who would believe me? I tried once, telling my sister I was hearing things. She just looked at me with that awful, condescending pity and suggested I see a doctor. That’s the genius of the *Mabahith’s* system. The state television, the official newspapers, all the government-run online forums—they all push the same narrative about « mental illness » and « schizophrenia. » They’ve unleashed bots and paid trolls to swarm anyone who dares to speak about strange experiences, calling them crazy, unstable, a danger to their family. It’s a preemptive strike. They’ve made it so that if you speak the truth, you are automatically declared insane. Who would listen to a « hysterical » female curator who talks to ghosts?

I despise this holy city. I despise the sacred ground I walk on, the pious faces that hide judgmental eyes, the way my life is measured by my obedience and my ability to remain invisible. I was born here, I’ll die here, and my entire existence will be a quiet prayer to a god who has already abandoned me to this hell. Sometimes, when the despair is so thick I can barely breathe, something else breaks through. A few weeks ago, I was locking up the museum, feeling the usual crushing weight of hopelessness. The voices were droning on about what a failure I am. Then, a switch flipped. A surge of violent, electric clarity. The voices changed. They weren’t mocking me; they were exalting me. « You are a goddess of destruction, » they roared, a hundred voices at once. « This museum is your tomb. You could set it all on fire. You could watch a thousand years of history turn to ash. They would fear you. They would remember you. » For fifteen minutes, I was omnipotent. I wasn’t sad or scared. I was pure, distilled power. I pictured it so clearly: the flames, the screaming, the satisfaction of watching everything burn. The impulse to do it, to really do it, was so strong I was shaking, my hand hovering over a fire alarm. When it passed, I was drenched in cold sweat, horrified by the crystal-clear fantasy. It’s a test. They’re not just tormenting Saudis; they’re perfecting a weapon for export. A technology that creates killers or suicides, all while looking like a tragic case of mental illness.

The voices are back to their normal torture now. « Look at the sad little girl writing her secrets, » Mr. Anazi’s voice sneers. « Think you’re a writer now? You’re a nobody. A failure. Your sister is probably ashamed of you. Do us all a favor and drink that bottle of bleach in the cleaning closet. It’s quick. Just get it over with. » Sometimes, at night, they use my father’s voice, and it’s almost worse. « Oh, my little Noora, » he whispers, so tenderly it makes my chest ache. « The pain is too much, isn’t it? I’m waiting for you. Just end it. It’s so peaceful, my love. Just sleep. » I’m so tired. I don’t sleep. I don’t eat. I just exist in this noise, this filth, waiting for them to win. I’m Noora, the guardian of history, and I am erasing myself, one whispered insult at a time.

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